sadness increases with age...

the sinful nature of men that makes us so disgustingly selfish and self-centered, always more concerned about our personal needs and wants, pains and sorrows and less concerned abt respecting others as individuals.

even long-time friends whom i survived decades with, grow uglier by the day. have they changed? have i changed? or that changes in our environment had caused our frenship to sour? no longer satisfied with just being friends, no longer open to criticism that comes from a kind heart - now armed with our own shallow defensiveness, with porcupine pricks standing by, ready to dart at whoever comes along and treads on our tails. have i become domineering and possessive over the years? such extremes - being commitment-phobic and possessive... i must try hard not to swing from one extreme to another

our interests under threat causes us to miss the big picture, the root of the problem. instead, turn our focus this urge to solve whatever is in my face, so that i can feel good again. as long as my interests are protected, couldn't care less if he has seen a certain perspective of things that i have neglected. a life that grows sadder by the day.

would it hurt less to join in, drowning in the allying and taking of sides?
would it hurt less to be emotional and immature?
would it hurt less to give up trying to make people see the importance is in loving each other and not in proving our own points?
would it hurt less to not insist that people see each other's pov?
Yes, it would... to live a life ordinary
but i shall not give up, not give up trying...
i shall always remind myself, there are 1001 things that are waiting for me to do - but what is the thing that God wants me to do now... what is?
in that light, all things unimportant fade - no man-made light can fight with the brightness of the burning bush...

called to be agents of change, in a dark place
who can open the eyes of fools. who is without sin to judge.
not me. i m not.
but i do seek to live a life less ordinary. of worship n obedience. not of sacrifice.

i need u jesus
to come to my rescue
where else can i go
there's no other name by which i am saved
capture me with grace
i will follow u
this world has nothing for me...